The Hope I Seek - A Woman of Prayer

I’ve always been intrigued how landscapes evolve and change through time and circumstance; perhaps, this came from what I learned of my parents homeland, the Netherlands. Every culture can point to heroics, but mastering sea level and tidal flows is a wisdom born of necessity; the Dutch are world-renowned masters of this skill. Over 33% of the Netherlands is below sea level and still the Dutch dwell there. The ‘netherlands’ literally means ‘the low country,’ and living on this land reclaimed from the sea is part of Dutch survival, illustrating their determined approach to life. Anything is possible. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

This subtext has provided a theme for my life. Through all the seeking and finding of possibilities in my youth, God was present - that much I knew for sure, and talking to God was a refuge, a steady kind of companionship.

In my early 20’s, I asked one of the nuns about an intention of hers for which I had offered to pray. She wrote to me with her reply and uttered her own blessing for me, “May you become a woman of prayer.” Yes! That is exactly what I longed for. I started by spending extra time in the chapel, trying to enjoy the rosary more, beginning a prayer intention book for the needs of others. Slowly, these practices morphed into a deeper interest in those I prayed for, asking God to help me step into the grey areas between the lines of their petitions and lamentations. My practice of intercessory prayer changed. I understood that my words did not so much direct God’s attention (how could God need my help with that?) as collaborate with God in tenderly holding individuals at critical times.

As I look back on these 40+ years of intercession, I see the answer to my prayer and more. Attached to God’s response is an interesting sidecar – the ‘more’ given by God that I could never have known to ask for. This relationship of advocacy and petition is a mysterious, intimate partnership with God, others, and myself. In an odd way, I feel like I am a minister of prayer, an intercessor, a carrier of need. I am personally, intrinsically woven into the request and reply. I enter the sanctuary of the Holy One’s presence and lay before the altar of sacrifice the intense grief, the relentless yearning, the moaning and tears of sorrow and joy of those whom I accompany on this journey we share…and I keep vigil.

Over a lifetime, our spiritual needs change. Our prayer and posture of our prayer must also be open to change. The tidal flow of my life, my understanding of faith and church has grown and evolved with me. When I get deeply involved with this ministry of prayer, I can feel a rhythm and a surety. The work is always God’s but I am grateful to be a supportive connection. Still, so much of this is outward facing…and everything God introduces into our lives is about our own ongoing conversion.

Just as the geography of this intense prayer relationship seems to be clear, a new invitation enters my horizon.

A more difficult question is posed: how do I take my own needs into the prayer sanctuary of Love? Can I take myself, my own unease and anxiety, and my failed attempts at mirroring the One I love, into this sacred space with the same confidence? Just like that, the dikes and dams of my people find a parallel in my spiritual life and I have to analyze their role carefully. Do cautionary barriers exist in my life to keep things out or to keep things in?

What about you? Where have you put up careful defenses in your spiritual life? What is the role of hope? Is it time to enter your inner sanctuary with greater trust in the One who loves you?

My Dutch heritage teaches that where there’s a will, there’s a way. Yet, my trusted experience of God reminds me that God does not force the door of my soul…and nor should I. Spending time in the inner sanctuary and pulling down personal defenses is something I am doing these days and asking God to sit beside me as I do. I am trying not to ‘make a prize’ of myself to God but to allow the refashioning to take place under both of our hands. It’s hard. The temptation to pull away and hide the low country of my soul is real. Yet, so is God’s ever nurturing love for me and that fills my heart with the hope I seek in this coming year; to ever grow as a woman of prayer. God’s love is dynamic not static. Yes, I believe that anything is possible.

Going Deeper:

• Who are your people? What cultural richness fills your veins? Does Wikipedia hold the story of your family name? Spend some time with the characteristics of your ancestors and explore spiritual parallels. You have likely built some of these truisms into your own approach to life. Are there helpful patterns of behavior or less helpful patterns that have seeped into your approach to the Divine? This could be a new way to pray that opens doors for deeper reflection. God is in all things and uses everything about us to make inroads to our hearts.
• How might you consider intercessory prayer with fresh eyes as you enter a new, untouched year? Could this style of prayer, often considered as a prayer for others, offer an even more mysterious avenue for God to your own heart? What might grow within you? What does it mean for you to be a person of prayer?
• As you sit with God, remaking your heart and steadying your soul in the coming year, this song by The Porter’s Gate, Sing Over Me might help express your need of the gentle work of God, singing over you of the goodness you cannot see. If the melody doesn’t resonate, simply use the words for reflection.
• Use the scriptural imagery of The Potter as you work with God, entrusting God to help smooth edges and defenses that you may have erected out of fear. Isaiah 64:8, Jeremiah 18:3–10, Psalm 2:9.

Photo by: Friend of the author; used with permission.

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Monique Jacobs

Monique Jacobs has been engaged in professional active ministry in the church for 40+ years, offering workshops, retreats, and writing. She accompanies people in these roles, and as a Spiritual Director, using Ignatian methods and spirituality. Her joy is to serve as mentor and companion to others, highlighting their gifts and helping to build up the body of Christ. Monique also hosts a YouTube Channel: Finding God in All Things, new videos posted weekly. Monique serves as the Director of Mission and Identity for Catholic Charities of Northern Nevada. Subscribe to Monique’s YouTube Channel, Finding God In All Things.