Encountering Christ in Others—Who Am I to Judge?

In the past few months I’d been struggling to see Christ in someone whom I’ve known for over 30 years. What had been weighing on my heart was my judgment of her words and actions toward me and others. I’d taken on an air of self-righteousness because I thought my way would be better. My ego was getting in the way, again.

I didn’t feel good about it, especially knowing this wasn’t the way of Jesus. I knew better, but I couldn’t let go of the judgment. The desolation I was feeling was what brought me to confession. I needed God to meet me in the messiness of it all.

It was Good Friday.

Intentionally, I went to St. Ignatius Church to have my confession heard by a Jesuit priest. As I entered the baptistry, a priest was sitting facing me. I smiled. It was a Jesuit whom I’ve had many casual encounters with over the years. This was the first time for us to be with God, present to both of us, in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

“Hello, Mary.” Without hesitation, he offered, “Would you like someone different?”

“No. This is good.” The familiarity actually brought me comfort.

I shared with him my struggle with judging this particular person, being critical of her actions, and the unrest it was stirring inside of me.

“Mary, I don’t know you well, but what I do know about you is that you generally come from a place of goodness.”

So where is this judgment coming from? Who am I to judge another when I myself walk imperfectly?

After a few thoughtful minutes of meaningful conversation, he absolved me of my sins and asked me to pray with Ezekiel 36:25-27 for my penance.

My act of contrition was simple. “Dear God, I’m sorry I’ve sinned against you. Thank you for your love and forgiveness. I will do better.”

When I left the baptistry, I went to find an empty pew to sit with my iPhone and find the scripture passage. It was verse 26 that spoke to me loud and clear.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;

I will remove from you your heart of stone and

give you a heart of flesh.”

As I pondered and prayed with these words, I felt God wanting to give me a new heart and a new spirit. The judgment and criticism had created within me a heart of stone. With a heart of flesh, God was offering a different way, a more loving and compassionate response toward this person. This all felt much better, more Christ-like.

But what happened next is what surprised me. It was in receiving a new spirit that I was better able to surrender what I was holding on to. Without the judgment, my heart was opening to receive more of what God wanted to give me and showing me the road he wanted me to walk.

The path I’d been on—doing work that I thought was supporting her was only putting me in a position to judge her behavior. This wasn’t the work God wanted me to do. He used my encounters with this woman and the subsequent desolation to point me in the right direction to do the work he’d been calling me to do.

The gift in all of this was hearing God’s voice telling me to go back and discern again. I needed to re-examine my heart and pay closer attention to where God was leading me.

I’d been making all kinds of excuses. I was afraid to move in a new direction because it all seemed overwhelming and unclear. I went back to what was familiar. It was through God’s Word that I was graced with clarity and peace to surrender the work that wasn’t mine to do.

So, with my confession and penance, I saw the face of Christ in the person I had judged. The sting of conscience moved me to compassion where there had been judgment and clarity where there was confusion.

And both led me to receive more deeply God’s call for me and to follow him.

Perhaps the baptistry was the right place for me that day—I was born again. I was forgiven. I was humbled. I was set free. I was given a new life with a new heart and a new spirit. And I was grateful to be with the right priest.

More importantly, I felt loved, just in time to experience the joy of the Risen Christ on Easter Sunday.

I invite you to consider this:

• What might you bring to God to ask for his forgiveness?
• Imagine being forgiven for your transgressions toward someone. How can you then go and forgive someone who might have turned against you in some way?
• Are you carrying anything that is pulling you away from God?
• Can you recall a time when you have been humbled and set free?
• What work is God calling you to do in this season of your life?

Going Deeper

• “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Using the prayer method Lectio Divina read this scripture passage from Luke 6:37. Is there a word or phrase that is speaking to your heart at this moment? What might God be saying to you through this passage?

• Using the Examen, a loving look back with God, recall those moments in your day that you felt close to God or distant from him. The Examen will help you discern the movements of the spirit within. This discernment process will guide your thoughts, words, and actions to better encounter Christ in others.

• Explore and reflect on the markers of consolation and desolation explained by Vinita Hampton Wright.

• Sit and ponder with Pope Leo’s Prayer for Discernment July 2025.

“Holy Spirit, you, light of our understanding, gentle breath that guides our decisions, grant me the hidden paths of my heart, so that I may grasp what truly matters to you, and free my heart from its troubles. I ask for the grace to learn how to pause, to become aware of the way I act, of the feelings that dwell within me, and of the thoughts that overwhelm me, which, so often, I fail to notice. I long for my choices to lead me to the joy of the Gospel. Even if I must go through moments of doubt and fatigue, even if I must struggle, reflect, search, and begin again…Because, at the end of the journey, your consolation is the fruit of the right decision. Grant me a deeper understanding of what moves me, so that I may reject what draws me away from Christ, and love him and serve him more fully. Amen.”

Photo by Ivo Raeber on Unsplash.

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Mary Hile-Nepfel

Mary Hile-Nepfel is an Ignatian-trained spiritual director of the Spiritual Exercises. She is currently writing her memoir, A Loving God is My Coach, which details her life as an athlete and a basketball coach through the lens of the Spiritual Exercises. In telling her story she hopes to reveal a loving God who shows us how to win in the spiritual life with the freedom to choose Jesus Christ.

Mary lives in San Bruno, California with her husband Bill and their four-legged son Samuel.