Finding Hope When It's Hard - When the Way Was Not Clear

In this week’s post, When the Way Was Not Clear, Liz Aceves shares how her family background and Ignatian prayer methods help her to be present and support her parents as they navigate new life circumstances. The way is not always clear but with a firm foundation and path of prayer, Liz assures us that we are not alone and that God walks with us.

Foundation

I vividly remember going to Mexico to visit my grandmother one summer. I might have been twelve years old. I walked through the plaza with my grandmother and looked at the beautiful church, with its intricate stained glass windows and towering spires, a testament to the faith and devotion of the community.

Before we walked in, my grandmother gave me a mantilla, a traditional lace veil, to cover my head with before we entered. I saw her as she put the mantilla to cover her head, and I did the same. The mantilla was so soft, delicate, and beautiful. As we walked in, she walked up close to the altar and sat in one of the front pews. She bent down on her knees and started praying. She must have sensed me watching her intently. She looked at me and smiled. That day began my desire to have a relationship with God.

Growth

We all have gone through moments of significant challenges and suffering. Unexpected news shakes us to the core. My mother’s diagnosis has done that for me.

Four years ago, my husband and I were on our way to Solvang, CA, for a weekend getaway. We were both looking forward to this little escape from the busyness of our lives. Then, the call came from my dad telling me that mom had been diagnosed with early stages of dementia. I listened and did not say much of anything because I did not believe it. I suppressed it over the weekend. I was in complete denial.

When we returned to Los Angeles, I started researching and speaking to the social worker who was referred to my mom’s case. As I was studying and receiving so much information, I was overwhelmed. I had noticed some signs of it, not realizing it was dementia; I thought it was mom getting older. Denying what was happening was not going to make it go away. I was angry, sad, worried, and confused. Why? Why did this have to happen to her? She had always been there for me, all of us, her parents, and her siblings. Every time anyone needed help, she was there. I remember when my grandfather got sick without thinking about it twice; she left for Mexico and took care of him. She did the same thing for my grandmother. When I had our boys, she came and cared for us. Tears are falling down my face as I write this to you all. I am losing my mom. I did not know I was feeling this much pain.

Practice

I have held on to my prayer life as my saving grace through difficult times. A few days ago, Becky Eldredge gave a talk to a few of us on the Colloquy prayer of St. Ignatius of Loyola. I tried praying this prayer before, but I was always in my head, not allowing my heart to lead me. Yet this time, I was finally able to listen to it with my heart. I entered this sacred conversation, bringing my mom to Our Lady of Guadalupe, Jesus, and the Father. I had never heard Becky ask this question at the end of the prayer: God, how can I help you love this person? At that moment, it all made sense to me. God was asking me to love and accompany my mom with compassion. I felt the love of the Our Lady of Guadalupe, Jesus, and God. I am not alone.

My relationship with God has given me the strength to be there for my mom and dad. I would hear people talk about taking care of aging parents, but naive me, I thought it was so far away. Yet, here I am. I have entered a new chapter in my life that I did not want —taking care of an aging parent with dementia. Even though this is not the path I want to be on, I have accepted it with God’s grace. I do not know how I would navigate this if I did not have God. Every morning, as I come into my office, light my candle, and drink my warm cup of tea, I enter a place of stillness, knowing I will find the grace to start my day and deal with what lies ahead. My prayer life has been my anchor through all the challenging times.

I did not know then what a vital lesson my grandma was teaching me. When we left the church that summer day, I remembered my grandmother seemed lighter, and I felt so much joy. I did not know what that feeling was then, but I do now. I am so grateful to my grandmother for teaching me to pray and laying that foundation for me.

Let nothing disturb you,

Let nothing frighten you,

All things are passing away:

God never changes.

Patience obtains all things.

Whoever has God lacks nothing;

God alone suffices.

- St. Teresa of Avila.

Going Deeper:

• Listen to We Are Not Alone
• Pray a guided Triple Colloquy with Becky Eldredge
• Read Busy Lives and Restless Souls by Becky Eldredge

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Elizabeth Aceves

Liz Aceves is a passionate Catholic school educator with a decade of experience teaching Spanish. Her love for working with children and teaching them about their faith and language has been a constant source of inspiration. Liz believes that learning a second language is essential in fostering acceptance and understanding among people of different cultures. Her spiritual journey has been enriched by her discovery of Ignatian Spirituality eight years ago, and she has been an active member of the Inner Chapel community for three years. Liz finds joy in facilitating the Friday Inner Chapel Prayer group, surrounded by inspirational women. As a devoted wife and mother of two teenage boys, Liz enjoys reading historical nonfiction and spiritual books, traveling, and hiking.