Finding Hope When It's Hard - When I Wasn't Thankful

As I led a new group at my parish through an Ignatian study, I was introducing the Examen prayer. When we came to the gratitude step, I noticed shuffling in chairs and looks of confusion. Their expressions caused me to pause and check-in. “What’s the matter?” I asked.

A woman in the back slowly raised her hand,” Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot to be thankful for. But, after one day do, I just say thank you for the same things over and over again?”

I can’t remember the first time that I created a daily gratitude list. I do know that it was a difficult time in our lives. Our kids were in college, one adult child was struggling, our business was feeling the effects of the recession, and it felt like there wasn’t enough of me to go around.

Her comment brought me back to those days. My first gratitude lists were like those written by someone merely going through the motions. Lord, thank you for my family, our friends, our home, our business, our health, and the sunshine today. I knew these things were given to us by God. But it was hard to look beyond the difficulties.

I know now that my list reflected the fact that I’d been keeping God at a distance. I was trying to handle things alone. Looking back, I realize that it was hard to be thankful because I kept God tucked into a seasonal box that I would break out on Sundays, Holy days and special occasions.

When I started to study Ignatian spirituality, there were two essential tenants of the exercises that helped me bring God closer by involving him in my day-in day-out life. The first was those preliminary exercises where scripture recounts the unconditional love of God.

Reading those passages side by side helped me see how everything God created was done with the mind of caring for you and me. It was almost as if he was begging me to believe how much he loved me. It was a far cry from the ‘fire and brimstones’ understanding of God that I’d grown up with.

The second practice involved looking for God in all things. Coupled with those preliminary scriptures of God’s love for me, this practice became my personal, first-hand experience of God in my daily life. It awakened me to the fact that he is present, hour by hour.

I began to absorb this practice even more while visiting a friend in California. Walking to lunch I noticed a tiny pinecone one the sidewalk. My friend said that it came from a Redwood tree and that they only shed these pinecones in times of drought or stress—like when there were wildfires.

In that moment, I began to wrap my mind around the idea that God was teaching me with every single thing in creation: It only takes a tiny seed to grow a massive tree, and it is when we are literally under fire that we produce the most fruit. The lessons are all around me if only I get out of my head and wake up to what is right in front of me.

With every personal encounter I had with God, alongside those scriptural conformations of his love, I started to notice him even more. I realized that he was providing for me mind, body and soul.

The Principle and Foundation says that we were made to praise reverence and serve God. That is the foundation upon which I should build my life. It was hard to see that I’d been serving self-first, all of this time. Taking my focus off of self and onto God, helped relieve my anxiety.

Somewhere deep inside, my body knew that if I was responsible for everything in my life it was too much. Only God can handle such a task. This helped me to bring my focus back on God and what he was doing. Allowing God to be god, relieved my anxiety.

This insight brought me to discernment, a hallmark of Ignatian Spirituality. To make good decisions, I needed to be able to distinguish between God’s will and my own will. I needed to be able to tell the difference between the voice of God and the subtle lies told by the enemy. The guardrails of the rules of the discernment of spirits began helping me to notice those distinctions. They helped me begin to learn God’s method of operation (MO). These Exercises, like physical exercise, need to be practiced daily to keep me spiritually strong.

Over time, I’ve learned to be thankful in all things, even for the hardships. I started to see that through the difficult times, I learned to cling to what was essential and true. Hardships are gifts of pruning. Situations that bring me to my knees help to clarify who I am as a child of God. Even when something is happening to me, because of God’s love something is also happening for me.

I understood the woman in the back. I’d been her. I couldn’t wait for her to experience a deeper relationship with God..

Going Deeper:

• Read more about each of these concepts of Ignatian Spirituality:
  • The Unconditional Love of God by Becky Eldredge
  • Looking for God in All Things by Andy Otto
  • The First Principle and Foundation by Becky Eldredge
  • Discernment of Spirits

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Jean Heaton

Jean Heaton is a blogger, writer, speaker, teacher, and a workshop and retreat leader. Both her husband and son are in long-term recovery, and she has worked her own Twelve Step program for those affected by the addictions of others. Jean is the author of “Helping Families Recover from Addiction.” She shares her experience, strength, and hope with others at www.jeanheaton.com.