Finding Hope When It's Hard - When It is Hard to Get Out of Bed

I am in bed today. Most days I am really busy volleying between my jobs as a spiritual director and teacher which gives me unbelievable joy and fulfillment. Like a literal thorn in my side, though, my autoimmune disease pursues me daily. Today I am in bed. Sometimes, the disease wins. Often, though, fulfillment wins. It’s a dance that I can not avoid. Maybe you too have some struggles or difficulties in your life that makes it hard to get out of bed.

Maybe you are dealing with a sickness like autoimmune or depression. Maybe you are weighed down by the heaviness of things happening in your life. The heaviness that we all feel reminds me of the Woman with the Hemorrhage. I think of the woman in Matthew 9 who had suffered with hemorrhages for twelve years. It likely took all of her strength to reach out and touch the tassel of Jesus’s cloak. She literally leaned into Jesus praying aloud, “If only I can touch his cloak, I shall be cured.” Jesus then turns around and sees her. This pause that Jesus chooses is everything. He turns. He sees her. He speaks to her, “Courage, daughter! Your faith has saved you” (Matthew 9:18-26).

Getting out of bed can feel overwhelmingly difficult, especially when weighed down by emotions and challenges that echo the stories of the woman with a hemorrhage. We can feel the heaviness of despair and desperation that she is feeling and seek the hope offered by faith and healing. Similarly, the woman’s twelve years of suffering highlight the exhaustion that comes with chronic pain, disappointment, the long experiences of abuse and suffering, and, even, the heaviness of life.

St. Ignatius, in his rules of discernment speaks of desolation. In notes in his fifth rule that,

In time of desolation never make a change; but be firm and constant in the resolutions and determination in which one was the day preceding such desolation, or in the determination in which he was in the preceding consolation.

In moments of desolation, it’s easy to be frozen or stuck. I have so often felt this in my life and I am sure you can recall such moments. The fifth rule emphasizes the importance of maintaining resolve even in times of despair. It is not so much pushing your way through the pain and heaviness, but trusting yourself in your normal patterns of living.

If my normal routine is to get up, grab coffee, sit in my chair for prayer, then continue on my way to work, then that is what I do even if it is at a slower pace. Or, if I have decided on days when my pain and suffering is too heavy, I get up, drink my coffee (or have my coffee in bed), review my day and decide what can be canceled, this is what I do. I do not change or make big decisions in these moments.

I do not, for example, decide that, because I am weak today, that I should quit my job or go on a food fast. Instead, on days of great desolation, I continue on the way that I have previously decided in my times of consolation. I do not trust the voice and smell of desolation.

I slow down, precede as I would on a day of consolation, even if it is slower and altered to fit the pain and suffering into the day, and like the hemorrhaging woman, I reach for the tassels of Jesus trusting that hope and healing are coming.

Going Deeper:

• Read Four Strategies for Discernment by Vinita Hampton Wright.
• Read Four Ways Ignatian Spirituality Helps Us Stay on an Even Keel by Marina Berzins McCoy.
• Download our free resource, The Four Steps of Discernment.

Photo by Jen P on Unsplash

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Stephanie Clouatre Davis

Stephanie Clouatre Davis graduated from Loyola University New Orleans. Stephanie speaks to adults and teens around the nation at parishes, high schools, and dioceses in various venues including retreats and conferences. With humor, joy, and stories, Stephanie not only fully engages her audiences but also inspires them to challenge themselves and build a stronger relationship with God. She lives in Covington, Louisiana with her husband Michael and two girls Emma and Abby.