She was walking me out to my car and suddenly stopped as though frozen. At that moment, my dear friend, anguished by the sudden death of her son, summoned enough breath to say, “I just wish I knew where he is. Is he alone? Is it dark? What will happen to him?… I just wish I knew.” All I could do was open my arms, and her small frame moved into them. Holding her, and with a clarity I have never before known, I whispered, “This is where he is. In God’s arms.” She pulled back and looked deeply in my eyes. “You sound so sure. How do you know? You know. How?”
I am not a theologian or a scripture scholar and at the time was only a few months into praying the Spiritual Exercises, experiencing my faith expanding and being transformed. Yet, in that moment I did know. My friend’s unspoken question was a desperate fear that her child who died alone was in hell, subject to harsh judgment. “How do you know?” was a cry for hope. We sat down and I spoke a bit about the beginning of the Exercises. How St. Ignatius guides us to see God’s love for us in spite of all our imperfections. They are no surprise to God. We are like little kids who cover our eyes and say, “Don’t see me.” She smiled. When our kids were little and scared or hurt and came to us, we didn’t fold our arms…we opened them and scooped them up! That is what happens when we die! As a mother, I am sure of it. I was able to say to her that I might feel alone, but I’m not…we aren’t while we live and we aren’t when we die.
Yesterday was the first Sunday of Lent. The readings are preparing us to walk with Jesus to his death. They are also filled with promise in the aftermath of disaster. Noah’s world was wiped out by a flood. God made a Covenant , a sacred promise, with him and his sons. (Genesis 9:8-15).
In the second reading, St. Peter takes us beyond the Old Testament Covenant to remind us in a few sentences that Jesus suffered an unspeakable death for us so that He could lead us to God, His Father. (1 Peter 3:18-22) Our Baptism acknowledges our imperfections and God’s indescribable love for us. Our Baptism is “an appeal to God for a clear conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven.”
Lent has begun, and we are reminded that we are weak and fragile and not perfect and we are then offered consolation. The gospel (Mark 1:12-15) said, “The Spirit drove Jesus out into the desert, and He remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan…and the angels ministered to Him.” Jesus went out there for us and knows temptations, weakness, emotional, spiritual and physical weakness and pain. This passage is so familiar. I have paid so much attention over the years to the temptations that I never noticed the angels ministering to Jesus. I have a Guardian Angel…We all do. This Lent I will be praying for the grace to notice my angel ministering to me…how might I minister to a person in my life?
In the deepest darkness of life, I am not alone. When it is my time to die, I know I will be ministered to, and I will hear Jesus’ precious forgiving words of Mercy. “This day you will be with Me in Paradise.” When it is my time to die, I might only be on the porch or in the kitchen of Heaven, but I will be cared for and offered love and mercy and given the unfolding of a clear conscience. How long will that take? I have no idea. For me, Purgatory is my loving God’s greatest gift of loving compassion and mercy. We have eternity. Why would I want to rush that?
Going Deeper Together:
- Pray with an Imaginative Reflection of the Crucifixion and the Last Words of Jesus on IgnatianSpirtuality.com.
- It’s not too late to join us on an Ignatian Prayer Path for Lent as we walk with Jesus: Companion in our Suffering. Pray on your own or lead a small group.
- As you reflect on Mary Ann’s blog and the grace she mentions of wanting to notice her guardian angel ministering to her during Lent, she also asks us who we might minister to during this season of prayer and almsgiving. Does someone come to mind? Please feel free to add your thoughts to the Comment Section. We would love to hear from you during Lent!
Photo by Denes Kozma on Unsplash
Mary Ann Gessner
Mary Ann Gessner has worked with all generations in her careers as art teacher, in Nursing Homes as Recreation Director, Social Services and Admissions Director and Administrator and as Director of Admission with a focus on international high school student recruitment. She holds a BA in Studio Art and Art Education from the University of Bridgeport, CT and a M.S.A. from St. Michael’s College, VT and three units of Clinical Pastoral Education. After retiring in 2015, Mary Ann was led to Ignatian Spirituality in the Inner Chapel Prayer Call and Becky’s Overwhelmed No More retreat, then the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises. She is currently an Interfaith Chaplain and is rediscovering her love of storytelling.
Comments
Loading comments...
Leave a comment