Companioning with Christ's Last Words - Father Forgive Them

In one of my online graduate classes for spiritual direction, the professor dedicates a portion of each class for us to simply pray. The first night we did this was a night I had entered class a bit unhinged. I was overwhelmed by all that had piled up around me throughout the day, and I was desperate to just sit down and check things off my never ending to-do list.

So, when we got to the prayer portion of the class, and she told us we were going to get to turn off our screens for 14 glorious minutes, I found my eyes floating over to the list sitting just to the right of my screen. “14 minutes,” I thought, “I could get items 2 and 3 done at least and maybe start on item 4 if I really focused.” The guilt of considering doing something other than the assignment was being easily bulldozed by the stress I could not seem to let go of.

Then the professor told us what she wanted us to pray about.

She directed us to a place in the Spiritual Exercises where Ignatius invites us to “consider how God our Lord is looking at [us].” She invited us to spend our prayer time simply feeling God’s eyes on us and to note how God gazes at us not with expectation or disappointment but only with the most magnanimous love. It immediately brought to mind one of my favorite quotes from Anthony de Mello, S.J. which says: “Behold the one beholding you and smiling.” After a couple more words of direction, she invited us to mute our screens and pray.

I muted my screen and stood staring at my computer dumbstruck by the simplicity of the invitation - to spend 14 minutes feeling God love me, in all my unhinged, stressed-out glory.

Despite my initial inclination to do anything but - that was exactly what I did. I stood under the warmth of God’s gaze and laid all my mess at God’s feet. I marveled that no matter what I laid before God, the warmth of God’s unwavering gaze remained. It felt like a heat lamp on a mild setting had been turned on directly over my head. I knew if I lifted my chin to try and find the source, I would see nothing. So, I kept my gaze resting down on my hands, determined not to disturb the connection.

The words “Father forgive them” have always stood out to me as an invitation to practice radical forgiveness, and of course they are. But truth be told, they are also words that have always intimidated me. After all, how could I radically forgive others if I had trouble radically forgiving myself let alone imagining God radically forgiving me? Whenever I thought of these words in the past, I considered them only as my invitation to forgive others. This time, however, as I reflect on these words, I see that they might just be my invitation to allow God to forgive me. But no, more than that, they might just be my invitation to allow God to love me, as I am, no matter what.

I wonder if the soldiers surrounding the cross felt the unexpected warmth upon their heads like I did. Were they afraid to look up and see God gazing right at them from the cross? Were they afraid to look up and see God loving them through God’s very last breath?

This Lent, I feel God inviting me to let the warmth of God’s love flow through me. I feel God inviting me to lean more fully into my belovedness and let it be my redemption.

What would be the result if I answered that invitation?

What would be the result if you did as well?

Would it lead us closer to the possibility of more regularly practicing radical forgiveness and magnanimous love with one another?

Going Deeper Together:

• Prepare for Lent by listening to Vinita Hampton Wright’s video reflection, Lent Begins on YouTube.
• Join Gretchen every Sunday during Lent for a weekly Lenten reflections on being loved as we are, no matter what. Begin by engaging with this preparation document which includes a full Examen on the 7 last words.
• Are you looking for prayer resources to help you have a fruitful Lent? Our Jesus: Companion in our Suffering Prayer Guide will walk you through the six weeks of Lent with daily scripture and prayer reflections. If you are interested in leading a small group, we also have a Leader’s Bundle that includes the Individual Prayer Guide along with a Leader Guide for weekly gatherings. Both will provide you a path with daily Ignatian prayer as a companion on your Lenten journey.
• As you reflect on the questions that Gretchen asks in this blog, please feel free to add your thoughts to the Comment Section. We would love to hear from you during Lent!

Photo by Martin Jernberg on Unsplash

Gretchen Crowder

Gretchen Crowder has served as a campus minister and Ignatian educator for the Jesuit Dallas community for the last fifteen years and counting. She is also a freelance writer and speaker. She has a B.S. in mathematics and a M.Ed. from the University of Notre Dame as well as an M.T.S. from the University of Dallas. She resides in Dallas, TX with her husband, three boys, and an ever-growing number of pets.