The Need is the Call – Naming the Needs I See With Jesus

Naming the Needs I See With Jesus

Doubting Thomas. An entire life is reduced to two words. The upper room with its locked door had become the disciples’ sanctuary. What emotions filled that space…fear, shock, shame, guilt, remorse, panic. Jesus came to them through the door they locked in terror.

“Peace be with you. When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.” (John 19: 19-23)

“Peace be to you.” the first words they heard Jesus speak. They have had days of overwhelming emotions and the friend they abandoned appears in their midst to wish them…Peace? There were no reprimands, condemnations, blame, anger. No. “Peace be to you.” Were they remembering the last words Jesus spoke to them on Thursday? “ I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do.” (John 13:15-17)

I ask you now to hold space for that and consider Thomas as brave for a moment. I am certain that Thomas saw that this group of grieving friends needed food and supplies. Someone had to leave the safety of that familiar space. He was the one who rallied the apostles to go with Jesus to be with dying Lazarus, “Let us also go to die with him.” (John 11:16) Was that echoing in his mind as he went out? It makes sense to me why Thomas wasn’t with them. Imagine his shock when he returned and was surrounded by them all talking at once about Jesus. They were cowering hours ago while he was out getting provisions. It is hard to be brave and courage is exhausting. Now, Thomas hears the impossible. “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nail marks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” (John 20:25)

It was all too much; it was the last straw for Thomas and Jesus understood that. Jesus returned as the last time, through the locked door. They were all there but he came for Thomas. Jesus knew how these frail men struggled and failed to understand over the past three years. With mercy and compassion he washed the wounds of their broken hearts as he did their feet. They all heard him say, “What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later.” (John 13:7) Did Thomas remember those words as his own strident denial echoed in his ears? Everything stilled. Jesus was softly calling him by name, gently drawing Thomas to his wounded side. Jesus knew Thomas needed to be loved into trusting so that he could believe his eyes. His hand was led to the wounds he demanded to see and feel. “My Lord and my God”. (John 20:28) Nothing would ever be the same.

Our focus in these coming weeks is on needs, seeing them through the eyes of Christ and our personal, intimate call and response to help him meet those needs. It began in this gospel on Divine Mercy Sunday and extends through time to us and all who will be. The call didn’t begin with a shout. It began with a whisper, “Peace be with you”. It began with healing broken hearts suffering from their human failings. Jesus saw their need. He named it. They needed peace which could only come from the forgiveness of the one their cowardice abandoned.

The call in the upper room was to forgive sins. Healed by the breath of Peace, they could see their own sins with a clarity that would have crushed them but for the consolation of Christ’s mercy, compassion and forgiveness.

Never again could they feel superior to a sinful person. That humility grounded in the compassion and mercy of Jesus would allow them to forgive others and themselves with compassion and mercy. This new understanding was anchored in their hearts. “I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do.” (John 13:15-17)

Praying the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius was my experience of grace in that locked room. Jesus entered my locked, fearful heart and filled me with as much light as he knew I could bear. He knew and understood my resistance and as with Thomas. He made sure I knew this time was for me and my healing. Like Thomas, I was loved into trust and faith so that I could believe that I was being helped to see something important. No defense was needed or necessary.

I heard that whisper and have been on a journey of seeing through his eyes ever since. The wonder of this is that Jesus has a need, too. He needs me to help him. He gave me a model…as he did for me I am called to do. The 19th Annotation experience was my call, my healing and my surprising call in retirement to trust and become an interfaith hospital chaplain. This is a call to presence with and for others in their moments of need and in whatever way the grace of the Spirit leads us. I ask to be brave like our very human Thomas, and for the courage to surrender to the need I have been led to see before me. I pray to always hear the whisper of that graced call and breathe the peace in that sacred space. It is also my prayer for you.

Going Deeper:

• Reflect on being a Contemplative in Action by Following Jesus, Our Model by Faye Coorpender
• Rising with Christ by Becky Eldredge

Mary Ann Gessner

Mary Ann Gessner has worked with all generations as an art teacher, in Nursing Homes as Recreation Director, Social Services and Admissions Director and Administrator. She was the Director of Admission with a focus on international student recruitment for St. Johnsbury Academy in Vermont and holds a BA in Studio Art and Art Education from the University of Bridgeport, CT and a M.S.A. from St. Michael’s College in VT. Since retiring in 2015, Mary Ann has enjoyed the gift of time to nest, quilt, and cook. This gift of time led to Ignatian Spirituality in the Inner Chapel and Becky’s Overwhelmed No More retreat and the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises. Mary Ann is an Ignatian trained spiritual director in private practice, an Interfaith Chaplain and is applying her love of storytelling as a writer. Her two sons have moved gracefully into their adult lives with their families. Mary Ann and her husband still live in the log home they built almost 50 years ago in the woods of Sheffield, Vermont.