Hope in Listening to the Spirit - Blue Butterflies of Hope

Distracted by the stress and anxiety drummed up both by the world’s drama and the ending of another school year, I found myself stuck starting a post meant to highlight the Holy Spirit at work in my life. After staring at a blank screen for what felt like a lifetime, it occurred to me that this might be one of the times when I needed the Spirit’s intervention and inspiration to get unstuck. So, I closed my laptop and went outside to take a walk around my neighborhood. “Come, Holy Spirit,” I said out loud. “I need inspiration! A clear sign of your presence right now would really help! And if you are taking suggestions on that sign, I think a blue butterfly is just the one I need!”

I am someone who loves symbols. I love when I can latch onto a particular symbol for motivation or inspiration when I need it most. So, when I was first diagnosed with Addison’s Disease three years ago, I immediately did a Google search to see if there were any symbols associated with it. I quickly discovered that a blue butterfly was the most frequently used image to promote awareness of this rare disease. Since then, I have adopted a blue butterfly as my symbol of hope and perseverance, and I am always on the lookout for them. Over the past few years, I have found and purchased blue butterfly earrings, blue butterfly stickers, and, this past Christmas, a blue butterfly Christmas ornament. Each and every physical representation of a blue butterfly has served as a reminder for me to keep on going.

It was not until last June, however, that I finally encountered an actual, real-life blue butterfly.

The encounter was unexpected. My family and I were in Colorado Springs for a last-minute family vacation, and we had decided to hike the Seven Bridges Trail. The Seven Bridges Trail is an almost six-mile hiking trail in North Cheyenne Cañon. During the three-mile hike in, the trail crosses seven bridges along a mountain stream. The first few bridges are somewhat easy to navigate, but the terrain gets a little more rocky and challenging as you go. As we started the hike, I wondered if I would be able to finish it. I did not want to be the reason for my family to have to turn around before the end, but it was also one of the first big tests of endurance for me since my diagnosis.

As we passed the first bridge, I silently acknowledged the milestone. “That’s one,” I whispered to myself as my boys ran ahead in search of the next one. Gradually, we crossed each bridge as a family, one after another, as the sun continued its ascent into the sky and our legs began to ache from the distance. When we finally reached the seventh bridge, my boys celebrated by taking off their shoes and socks and scrambling down the rocks to wade in the water beneath it. After watching them for a few minutes, my husband encouraged me to join them. So I did.

I took off my shoes and socks and gingerly navigated the rocks until I reached the water flowing beneath the seventh bridge. I took a breath and plunged my feet in. “My Lord, that is cold!” I exclaimed as my boys laughed hysterically beside me. As I continued to shiver from the unexpected cold of the water, I noticed some movement in the air around me. It took a second for my eyes to focus, but when they did I sat down in surprise on the nearest rock and gaped in wonder at the sight. A swarm of tiny blue butterflies danced in and around me and my three boys as if they were celebrating our arrival at the seventh and final bridge. As I watched them move quickly yet gracefully through the air, I felt the presence of the Spirit in our midst. It was such an unexpected and fleeting moment of joy and consolation. In an instant I felt both an acknowledgment of how far I had come (not just on the hike itself) and a showering of the graces of hope and perseverance I needed to keep on going. Then, just as quickly as they had arrived, the butterflies flew away and we were up on the trail again headed back to the beginning.

Now almost a year to the day of that experience, there I was, walking around my neighborhood, begging the Spirit to show up again and renew my hope in the exact same way. But that did not happen. I did not see a single, solitary blue butterfly on my walk around the neighborhood. Instead, the Spirit’s response was to remind me of the unexpected and profound consolation a swarm of small blue butterflies provided me at the base of that seventh bridge. It did not eliminate all the stress and anxiety I was feeling, but it did remind me that these feelings are temporary and that consolation is always just around the corner.

Going Deeper:

• Sometimes the Spirit comes through great winds and fire, and sometimes the Spirit comes in a quiet whisper of blue butterfly wings. When was the last time you experienced the Spirit’s quiet whisper? What grace(s) came from this experience

• Ignatius taught that one should plan for desolation when in consolation. How can recalling moments of the Spirit’s presence in your life help you do this?

• Looking for another example of the Spirit’s quiet whisper? Check out this article by Gretchen Crowder.

• Feeling stuck can happen in consolation or in desolation. If you find yourself in desolation searching for the Spirit’s inspiration to get unstuck, check out this article in a previous series where Melinda LeBlanc explores the desolation of feeling stuck.

• What does it mean to savor the consolations so they can remind us of the faithfulness of God? Check out this article highlighting the wisdom of Joyce Rupp, OSM on keeping hope alive in troubled times.

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

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Gretchen Crowder

Gretchen Crowder has served as a campus minister and Ignatian educator for the Jesuit Dallas community for the last fifteen years and counting. She is also a freelance writer and speaker. She has a B.S. in mathematics and a M.Ed. from the University of Notre Dame as well as an M.T.S. from the University of Dallas. She resides in Dallas, TX with her husband, three boys, and an ever-growing number of pets.