Encountering the Pain of the Cross—The Wound of Love

In my journey with Ignatian Spirituality, I’ve learned that suffering is often the doorway into deeper relationship with God—but for most of life, I ran from that doorway. I rejected the idea that suffering had any value, and I tried to outrun suffering in every possible way.

I avoided the suffering that comes with being corrected by trying to always be right. I avoided the suffering of injury by not taking risks. I avoided the suffering of discomfort by steering clear of hard conversations. I avoided the suffering of heartbreak by never being fully vulnerable in relationships. I curated a very well protected heart, but in time, I realized it left me lacking.

My avoidance of suffering became even more pronounced when I became a parent. I desperately wanted my children to avoid suffering. I projected my fear onto their lives, and that looked like not allowing them to make mistakes, discouraging them from taking risks, sheltering them from any relationships that might bring heartache into their lives.

As they grew to be teenagers, this overprotection strained our relationship. I felt disconnected and unable to love them well. No matter how hard I tried, I could not prevent them—or myself—from experiencing suffering. And underneath it all, I was angry.

Amid this struggle, longing for deeper connection with my children, I went to confession. After listening to me describe my anger and fear, my parish priest gently asked, “Why are you so angry?” That question stayed with me. I began to explore why I had spent my whole life avoiding suffering. I brought it into prayer and into therapy and discovered that beneath all my behaviors was a deeper lack of trust in God’s presence in my suffering.

At my core, I believed:

• That in suffering, I was alone
• That suffering was failure and punishment
• That it would never end
• That I was not strong enough to survive it and neither were the people that I loved.

On top of this, my attempts to avoid suffering only created more suffering. I blamed others, complained, and tried to force making sense of circumstances that were far beyond my understanding. My rejection of suffering only added to the suffering in my life and to those around me—the opposite of what I desired.

But still, I didn’t know how to change that core belief.

A shift in this belief came as I journeyed through the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola. In the Third Week, I spent weeks praying with the suffering of Jesus. In those moments of deep prayer, I found myself side by side with Jesus:

• in the agony of the garden, (Mark 14:32-38)
• in the heartbreak of betrayal, (John 13:21-38)
• in the humiliation of mockery, (Luke 23:5-12)
• in the cruelty of the beating, (Matthew 27:27-30)
• in the heaviness of the cross, (Luke 23:26-32)
• in the darkness of death. (John 19:31-42)

What I discovered in those moments was that suffering did not leave me empty handed.

Through the suffering of Jesus, I encountered the love of Jesus more deeply than I ever had before. I was invited to reject the lies about suffering as my heart began to absorb the truth:

• I am never alone in my suffering. (Psalm 34:18)
• Suffering offers me intimacy with Jesus. (Hebrews 4:15)
• I am offered the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding. (Philippians. 4:7)
• I am offered the grace to be where my feet are in courage and love. (Psalm 23)

I was invited to let go of the fear of suffering, not because Jesus would remove it, but because love can exist inside suffering. This new way of approaching suffering has expanded my heart in ways I never expected.

Suffering moves me to receive the love of God. Considering St. Ignatius’s First Principle and Foundation, I am called to believe that God is in all things—even suffering—and I am created to experience God in all things.

Suffering moves me to receive the love of God from other people. As I learn to be vulnerable before God, I am also slowly learning to be vulnerable with people. When I expose tender places of my own suffering to trusted people in my life, I am met with compassion through their presence, understanding, and simple acts of care. In these moments, I encounter a kind of incarnation—God offers me a unique love through people.

Suffering moves me to offer love back to God. Gratitude grows from the soil of suffering transformed by love. And gratitude becomes the heart’s natural response—my heart wants to love God in return with all of myself.

Suffering moves me to offer the love of God to others. Love freely flowing between myself and God becomes love that flows outward to others—not out of fear or the desire to prevent suffering, but from a desire for them to encounter God in all things.

Showing up with this sense of suffering, what is offered to me and through me by the grace of God, has allowed me the unique privilege as a parent to show up for my kids in ways I didn’t even think were possible. The difficulties they have encountered have broken my heart and caused them great pain. But I have been able to stand next to them with all the love in my heart. I have been able to be loved and supported by people who love me and love them. I have felt and seen God’s presence in real time holding us all in these terrifying moments. It is nothing I would ever wish on anyone, but also nothing I would wish to live without.

What are your core beliefs about suffering? What emotions stir within you when you are faced with your own suffering, Jesus’ suffering, the suffering of those you love? How has God met you in your suffering in the past? May we continually pray for the grace to see suffering as a place of encounter—a place where the wound of love remains open enough to keep drawing us closer to God and to everything God has created. May the wound of love never fully heal, so that it forever invites us deeper into the heart of God and into love for the world God has made.

Going Deeper

• Consider how God may be calling you to reimagine suffering in a quiet moment of prayer with this song, Tears by Future of Forestry

• Walk with Jesus in his suffering this Holy Week, by placing yourself within the scripture stories using Ignatian Contemplation with the final moments of Jesus’ life on earth:

  • in the agony of the garden, Mark 14:32-38
  • in the heartbreak of betrayal, John 13:21-38
  • in the humiliation of mockery, Luke 23:5-12
  • in the cruelty of the beating, Matthew 27:27-31
  • in the heaviness of the cross, Luke 23:26-32
  • in the darkness of death, John 19:31-42

• Pray with St. Ignatius’ First Principle and Foundation, with insight from Becky Eldredge. What do you really believe about God’s love and presence? How might God be calling you to love?

Photo by Monika Grabkowska for Unsplash

Thank you!

The “Into the Deep” weekly blog is a free offering to live our mission of accompaniment. If someone forwarded this to you, please be sure to sign up at the bottom of this website page so that you receive an email each week with the new blog.

Comment!

If something our writers shared resonates with you, please feel free to write a positive and uplifting comment by scrolling down to the bottom of the page.

Support Us!
You can help support this free offering with a small monthly donation! Your recurring generosity enables us to continue building our home of accompaniment. If you would like to donate, please do so here.

Michele Eickman

Michele has held a lifelong love for Christ and Christ’s transforming mission to love humanity. She has lived that mission through her primary vocation as a wife and mother. Out of desire to serve God with her grace-gifted abilities, she has also responded to the call of love through volunteerism and serving her local parish community for several years. After being introduced to Ignatian Spirituality several years ago, her heart opened in a new way and the transforming love of God presented a new call to join the Ignatian Ministries team and assist in leading people into deeper waters of faith. She lives in Calhoun, GA with her husband Tim and daughter Annie, with three young adult children in college and beyond. They love being active together - through fitness, food, and travel.