From Desolation to Consolation - The Desolation of Feeling Stuck

From Desolation to Consolation - The Desolation of Feeling Stuck

Have you ever been living life and then feel you’ve hit a brick wall? Or was there a task you had to accomplish but couldn’t get started? Or have you been in the middle of a project and suddenly lost motivation?

If you answered yes to one or all of these, you’re certainly not alone. Just about everyone I know, including myself, has experienced the feeling of being stuck. My experience with stuckness is that there are two common ways I have chosen to deal with it. One way is to try to jolt my way out of it by trying extra hard to make something happen. The other way is to do nothing and hope things will get better. These are not bad tactics in themselves, but there is an additional way to respond to feeling stuck that may be more helpful to get things moving again: consider that you might be in desolation.

Desolation is tricky. It can be an intense lack of faith, hope or love or it can be very subtle, as in the case of being stuck. It’s that feeling of knowing something has to get done, or a decision has to be made, but yet you can’t quite bring yourself to do it.

As you read these, you may feel that you have experienced one or all of these types of stuckness or desolation. One type is the feeling of being completely overwhelmed. I remember one specific morning, the day after I had two important doctor appointments. I woke up to my alarm as usual, but I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. I wasn’t necessarily tired, but I just remember feeling completely overwhelmed from the information I received the day before. I laid there for ninety minutes literally trying to talk myself out of bed.

Another form of this desolation is intimidation, not acting on something because you are convinced you or your action will fall short. Years ago, I had to write a talk for a retreat. I procrastinated until the last minute. But this was not the usual putting off. I couldn’t even bring myself to sit at my laptop and begin. The thought of writing a talk filled me with anxiety. I was so convinced I had nothing of sense or value to say to people that I couldn’t even start writing. I thought, What’s the point? Nothing I write will be good enough.

A third type of stuckness involves fear. I recall the time I was waiting to receive the sacrament of reconciliation. In my parish, we sit in the order in which we arrive and wait our turn to enter the confessional. But when it was my turn, I couldn’t get up and go. It was like I was permanently attached to the seat. I told the person behind me to take my place, I’d follow next. But when that time came, I was still immobile. I let several others go before me that day, and I sat there, paralyzed by the fear that my confession wouldn’t be good enough for God to forgive me.

That’s how the desolation of stuckness works. It’s being paralyzed by fear, lies, feeling inadequate or overwhelmed. It may come on suddenly, but chances are it’s been building inside and it’s just not noticed until you’re in the grip of inaction.

The good news is this desolation can be broken.

The key to moving out of this desolation is to, first, notice it. When you notice that you’re stuck and start asking questions, then you’ll realize this is all from the false spirit. God will never overwhelm you in a negative way. God will never inflict fear and lies upon you. Get to the root of why you are stuck and I guarantee you’ll find the false spirit.

Once you realize that you are stuck, these tactics might be helpful:

• Don’t try to jolt yourself into action on your own. Ask God’s help in getting “unstuck”. It might be helpful to pray for the grace of courage to move beyond the place you feel stuck.
• Practice Agere Contra (Latin for Acting Against). St. Ignatius says that when something is “off”, we should do the opposite. So if fear, self doubt, or whatever has you stuck, do the opposite. Knowing God is with you, muster up the courage to take that first step forward. Proceed with confidence. What’s important is to DO and to do it with God.
• A good prayer to say at a time like this is: “Jesus, shield me from the fears and the lies of the false spirit.” This prayer affirms that desolation is present, recognizes where it is coming from, and calls on our ever-present, ever-powerful God for protection. A similar prayer would be the Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel.
• Be especially aware of what you are feeling inside. Are you scared? Anxious? Depressed? When did it start? Where is it coming from? Chances are, when you pinpoint the negativity, you’ll be able to act against it by asking for God’s help.

So the next time you’re in the desolation of stuckness, stop and ask God, the Great Emancipator, for the grace to move forward in courage, “and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

Going Deeper:

• Read about Ignatius’ idea of “Acting Against”.
• Pray the Prayer of St. Michael the Archangel.
• Read Shemaih Gonzales’ article from IgnatianSpirituality.com, A Sense of Serenity.
• Pray with Philippians 4:4-7 and know that God’s wish for you is peace.

Photo by Ben Hershey on Unsplash

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Melinda LeBlanc

Melinda is an Ignatian-trained Spiritual Director who is passionate about helping others deepen their relationship with God through individual direction, group faith sharing, and retreats. She received her certification in Spiritual Direction from the Archdiocesan Spirituality Center in New Orleans in 2012. She also holds a Master’s of Pastoral Studies degree from Loyola University. Most recently, she served as spiritual director and campus minister at Christ the King parish at LSU and was on staff at the St. Joseph Spirituality Center. She also serves in the Women of the Well ministry and is currently on the board of the Louisiana Association of Spiritual Directors. She and her husband Darrel live in Baton Rouge and enjoy birdwatching and fishing.