Called Deeper Together - Nourished In Our Belief

Like everything else in this new Ignatian Ministries adventure, it is no accident that this Into the Deep series is about community. While writing this, I got stuck on that word, community. My experience with community throughout my life has been more challenge than joy. Any introverts like me reading this might consider how hard being in a community is for us. Extroverts might remember the painful shock of COVID isolation when there was no community! Then came the still ongoing shock of returning to the world and wondering where everyone went? How do I start over? People have moved. People have died. For some of us, tragedies have left deep wounds. In our grief, things might look the same but nothing is the same and none of us are either. How am I ever going to write about community? Where is my sparkle? I was at a loss until just now. I saw the Ignatian Ministries logo as if for the first time.

The energy of the logo is a reflection of the life of the Holy Spirit drawing us in…together… to Christ and the world. Community is the heart of Ignatian Ministries. Sometimes, it is hard for me to read or hear them say, “you are not alone” when I am feeling isolated and very much alone. Warmth can be a distant memory. Dark and cold can feel normal, safer. A whisper in my heart says, “Is it really safer, Mary Ann?” “Well, it hurts a whole lot less if I don’t let myself feel so much.” I might feel adrift, sinking at times. Now, those words, “you are not alone” draw me in.

The Spirit of God has called to my heart, called me deeper for years. It was through the faithful Ignatian Ministry presence on social media before and during COVID that I was able to listen. My Ignatian Spirituality journey into deepening faith and community began then within the Exercises in Everyday Life.

I recall how isolated the early days of COVID felt, then I found my grounding because it offered me the time to notice a spiritual heart-tug I was too busy to feel before in my too busy life. Called by Christ in the Spiritual Exercises, centered in his words in prayer, I found myself on the shore of the Jordan. The picture was not a pretty postcard moment. It was uncomfortable and messy. I felt like I was face planted on the sand and covered by a lifetime of nets of my own making. Shedding those nets was painful and very slow. Why was I so reluctant to let them go? Why was I afraid to trust Jesus…trust myself?

Later in the retreat, I came to see that I am just like the people Jesus spoke to in his Sermon on the Mount. It is a different time and place and yet, I am one of them. Sitting on that hill in contemplation they were my community. We were all confused, vulnerable in our longing to be blessed. I was coming to realize that I have been crippled and bent by those nets I’ve carried for so long. I was blind to what had happened in my life and was longing to see. I had heard the words of Jesus my whole life and now I realized how deaf I have been to the fact that Jesus is speaking to me. Joy and wonder were about dead in me but the Spirit’s heart-tug pierced that darkness and pain and held on. This began the work of the Exercises in me. Over time, as the grace of the Holy Spirit and my response to that grace expanded within me, I am lighter, continue to heal and reach out like a child for more, responding to the call to go deeper.

The “Retreat in Everyday Life” was transformational for me. Those days were companioned by the experience of being part of a launch team for Becky’s book, The Inner Chapel. A weekly prayer gathering on Zoom was held on Friday afternoons with women from around the country and Canada. I felt completely out of my league. The others were in ministry and were familiar with Ignatian Spirituality. I was a retired woman new to it all but I kept showing up. It was a comforting surprise to feel so welcomed. This community experience was and remains as important to me as the Exercises.

Much to my surprise, as we prayed, often laughing, sometimes crying together, I was supported and challenged by them. I felt myself resting in this new belonging, being accepted, and affectionately cherished. For the first time in my life I was with a group of people in whom I felt safe, encouraged, truly heart-and-soul nourished. People have left the group and others have joined. When I hear these now friends speak of their same feelings with my same sense of gratitude, my heart melts with gratitude. I only want to go deeper into what God desires of me as I grow with these women. Isn’t that what the folks listening to the Sermon on the Mount would say to us? We live the words, “Where two or three gather in my name, there I am with you.” (Matthew 18:20) We live the Ignatian Ministries logo. CALLED DEEPER… TOGETHER. I think I’ve found my sparkle.

Going Deeper

• Have you read The Inner Chapel by Becky Eldredge?
• Read more about how the Ignatian Ministries logo came to be.
• Learn more about community and how Ignatian Ministries invites you into our community.
• Download our newest prayer resource for an overview of St Ignatius, The Spiritual Exercises & Ignatian Spirituality, The Who, What, How of Ignatian Spirituality.

Mary Ann Gessner

Mary Ann Gessner has worked with all generations as an art teacher, in Nursing Homes as Recreation Director, a Social Services and Admissions Director and Administrator. She was the Director of Admission with a focus on international student recruitment for St. Johnsbury Academy in Vermont and holds a BA in Studio Art and Art Education from the University of Bridgeport, CT and a M.S.A. from St. Michael’s College in VT. Since retiring in 2015, Mary Ann enjoyed the gift of time to nest, quilt, and cook. This gift of time led to Ignatian Spirituality in the Inner Chapel and Becky’s Overwhelmed No More retreat and the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises. Mary Ann is currently an intern in the Clinical Pastoral Education Program at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center, Lebanon, NH and is rediscovering her love of storytelling. Her two sons have moved gracefully into their adult lives with their families. Mary Ann and her husband still live in the log home they built 45 years ago in the woods of Sheffield, Vermont.