Encountering Christ in the Gospels—Mare

“I could use some company right now. Would you sit with me as I try to make sense of this, of what is happening. I have felt lost before but this is beyond anything I have experienced. I came here to do something and there is nothing possible.”

This is how my prayer began this morning. With a candle lit, I breathed slowly and asked the Holy Spirit to help me pray, to be honest and open and willing to listen. After receiving devastating news yesterday about a dear young friend’s recent biopsy results, all I really wanted to do was reach up like a toddler and ask to be picked up and held. Those were my words I heard and yet they were being spoken by Mary Magdalene.

I was no longer in my living room but in the garden before an empty tomb. Now, I am hearing my words, my feelings of exhaustion, sadness, helplessness, vulnerability being spoken by Mary. She was at the end of the passion story and I am looking at a journey ahead that I don’t want to take. To my surprise, she is the companion I need, sent to me even as I sit beside her at her request. How could I refuse her invitation?

We sit together in silence. My tears came unbidden. Our sometimes ragged breathing mirrored each other, interrupted by gulping sighs and the touch of her hand on my knee. The gardener came by and Mary jumped up and then fell to her knees. Her tears began again as she described why she was there and desperately asked him to take her to where Jesus had been taken. The gardener was so calm and his steady breathing did nothing to calm her down. She reached out, plaintively. His eyes looked at her tenderly and he gently whispered, “Mary.”

Here is the wonder of Ignatian contemplation and imaginative prayer.I know that Jesus spoke Mary’s name. We all know this story and have found comfort in it. “Mary” is not the word I heard. Jesus looked at me and said, “Mare.” My shock was the same as Mary’s and my heart melted. I found myself remembering a time when I was deeply immersed in the Spiritual Exercises, and my director had asked me what name Jesus used when he spoke to me. I had no idea, so sometime later, I brought it into a colloquy. I asked Jesus what name he used when he thought of me.

He smiled. “Your name is Mare, isn’t it? That was your family’s nickname for you and you like it enough to have it be your grandmother-name. You are Mare. That name opens you to allow feelings of love and security in. In that name is the child you were created to be, the compassionate woman you have become.”

Mary Magdalene heard her name. One syllable held her courage, acknowledged her pain, her compassion and faithfulness in the face of horror. The resurrected Jesus she saw was transformed and Mary was in his presence once again. When I heard my name in the colloquy long ago I was transformed and found comfort and strength to be both his beloved child and the woman called to offer presence and compassion to people he loves and he leads to me in their pain. I knew that realization was true with complete certainty and have walked with those people gratefully since.

It is harder when you love the person in pain who approaches and I know the difficult path we will be sharing. I also know that Jesus said he would be with us always until the end of time. I count on him to keep that promise. I trust the consolation I am feeling in spite of my aching sadness. He holds me and gives me strength. Mary Magdalene seems to be my companion on this journey. I am grateful for her company

Consider this:

Sometimes we find our own story as we hear the story of another. Would you take some time in prayer this week and ask the Holy Spirit to show you where Jesus found you in your life and called you by name? Pay attention to the details that memory and grace offer you. What are you feeling? What is this contemplation revealing to you? How did Jesus transform you?

We are not the people we once were. How have you been transformed by Jesus? Where are you being led? Do you notice a path opening up, a new direction calling you? Might you be feeling grounded in the consolation that you are exactly where you are meant to be? How is Jesus entering that path with you? How can you help him be present to the people on your path?

When we are able to name how Jesus is transforming us, we are better able to notice when it is happening and cooperate with joy and wonder. The Easter season is long and wonder-full. May your noticings fill you with peace when you hear your name.

Going Deeper

• Who has a story that resonates with you? There are so many stories of great faith found in Scripture and in life. Watch this short video describing how we can be accompanied by the example of others.

• Creating a spiritual autobiography helps us pay attention to the story of our life, the Holy Spirit’s movement within us, and the moments we encounter Jesus. If this is the first time you pray in this way or if you are revisiting your life for another review, we invite you to use Becky Eldredge’s resource, Creating a Spiritual Autobiography.

• Spend time with the invitation to walk with Jesus in prayer and music with No Turning Back by Steffany Gretzinger. Notice what rises within you and how Jesus speaks your name.

• Maybe encountering Jesus, recognizing his voice, feels difficult and distant right now. Spend time with the variety of ways Jesus spoke to his friends after the Resurrection and with your desire to encounter the Risen Christ in Recognizing Jesus Today.

Photo by [Eric Prouzet on Unsplash](Photo by <a href=%22https://unsplash.com/@eprouzet?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText%22>Eric Prouzet on <a href=%22https://unsplash.com/photos/a-stone-bench-sitting-in-front-of-a-stone-wall-eVY3aseHgOs?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText%22>Unsplash).

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Mary Ann Gessner

Mary Ann Gessner has been a regular writing contributor to the Into the Deep blog. She maintains a private spiritual direction practice for monthly spiritual direction as well as the accompaniment of people through the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. She has received her formation to serve in this capacity through the Lanteri Center with the Oblates of the Virgin Mary, Milton MA.