Lived Hope - Hope to Live a Life Worthy of the Call I Have Received

A few weeks ago, one of our Into the Deep writers, Beth Knobbe wrote Lived Hope - Jesus Meets Us Along the Way. She had me at “Hope is more than cheerful optimism; hope begins in the mess.” My heart-stirrings, which she encouraged me to notice, have been powerful and confusing in these subsequent weeks. The Emmaus story showed the complex path of the Easter season. “Are you the only one who does not know what happened in Jerusalem?” they said to the stranger. I could hear their exhaustion, fear, sadness and disillusionment as they walked away from that city, all their hopes crushed. I found myself feeling their efforts to numb their pain by being logical, responding intellectually to the stranger’s teaching. Jesus met them on the road as they were…a mess. To touch their hearts, he gave them a chance to invite him to their evening meal, and at the breaking of the bread, their broken hearts were opened to the wonder of the Resurrection.

Beth mentioned that “life is messy and complicated” and suggested that we pay attention to what stirs in our hearts. My heart ached with a new clarity as I read those words and wrote them down. I saw that most of my life has been messy and complicated, and for whatever reason, I always thought that was a character flaw—that it was probably my fault or, at the very least, my responsibility to avoid it or clean it up. It was my normal but a bad normal. I began to remove judgment from the formula, which was both shocking and liberating.

Jesus had been liberated from judgment and death by his resurrection. His return to life and those he loved to the end gave him the freedom to shower mercy on everyone he saw and everyone who has longed for him down through the ages. I can’t think of anything more shocking or wonderful. We have some of their stories, but don’t you wish we had all of them? What about the Centurion, Veronica, Lazarus, the woman at the well? Who else did Jesus call? How did he comfort them when he returned? How did they live their lives after the resurrection? What about your story, my story? We each have one.

“Have I lived my life worthy of the Call I received?” is my Easter season question. How do I live my life now to be worthy of the call I have received? How many times have I asked, “Who, me?” when a thought in prayer moves me toward a surprising direction—not “Do this!” but “Mare, look over there. Do you see what I see? Can you see yourself there for me?” My first reaction is usually no, I’m not qualified; I’m not smart enough, clever enough,it was long ago, too young…now, too old. You must have someone better able to do this, God.

I look to Peter in these days. His early enthusiasm gone, broken hearted Peter is sent back to Galilee by the angels. He and the other disciples go, struggling, feeling guilty, waiting with no idea what will happen next. (John 21:15-19) Jesus compassionately met Peter and the others where they were most comfortable, on the shore. They all had happy memories of those early days of being called by Jesus, learning and loving him, fishing, and then sharing the meals of fish they had caught.

Did those memories soften the pain and guilt they were feeling now? They, too, now recognized Jesus over a meal cooked by him. I am sure it smelled delicious and tasted even better, yet I wonder if it was hard for Peter to eat. Was he filled with guilt and remorse even as he was feeling comforted being back together? Could he engage in the conversation and laughter?

What followed were words for us as much as they were for Peter. Hearing the question, “Do you love me?” three times becomes more poignant with each repetition. Did Peter realize the question was not to shame him? The Lord’s gentleness was a painful healing as healing often is. Jesus gave his mother’s care to John at the foot of the cross. Jesus gave our care to Peter on the shore of Galilee. His weakness and failings, and his courage to return to Galilee in spite of them, ensured that he would understand the flaws of us all as Jesus did. “Feed my lambs….Take care of my sheep…Feed my sheep.” You, Peter, you are the person to do this. “Follow me.”

There is the answer to my question. Can I live my life worthy of the Call I have received? Not on my own, no. I am too old, not qualified, not, not, not…. The good news is that I am not alone, and I can live my life the best I can with God’s help. Mine has not been and never will be a perfect life, but it is the life I have been gifted. My biggest failures have led to remarkably positive experiences over time. My job now is to say yes and hope that with God’s grace I will go where I am led.

“Follow me.”

Going Deeper:

Consider praying these prayers that have helped Mary Ann find and sustain hope to live her call. Each of the prayers are included in Hearts on Fire: Praying with Jesuits.

• Soul of Christ

• Prayer for Light and Help

• Patient Trust

• In the Hands of God

• Suscipe

Photo by: Janek Valdsalu on Unsplash

Thank you!

The “Into the Deep” weekly blog is a free offering to live our mission of accompaniment. If someone forwarded this to you, please be sure to sign up at the bottom of this website page so that you receive an email each week with the new blog.

Comment!

If something our writers shared resonates with you, please feel free to write a positive and uplifting comment by scrolling down to the bottom of the page.

Support Us!
By becoming 1 of the 153, you can help support this free offering! Your monthly donation enables us to continue building our home of accompaniment. Learn more about our 153 Fish fundraising appeal.

Mary Ann Gessner

Mary Ann Gessner has worked with all generations as an art teacher, in Nursing Homes as Recreation Director, Social Services and Admissions Director and Administrator. She was the Director of Admission with a focus on international student recruitment for St. Johnsbury Academy and holds a BA in Studio Art and Art Education from the University of Bridgeport, CT and a M.S.A. from St. Michael’s College in VT. Since retiring in 2015, Mary Ann enjoyed the gift of time to nest, quilt, and cook. This gift of time became more intentional and led to Ignatian Spirituality via the Inner Chapel and Becky’s Overwhelmed No More retreat and the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises. Mary Ann is an Ignatian trained spiritual director in private practice, a CPE trained Interfaith Chaplain and is applying her love of storytelling as a writer. Her two sons have moved gracefully into their adult lives with their families. Mary Ann and her husband still live in the log home they built almost 50 years ago in the woods of Sheffield, Vermont.