Called Deeper Together - Calling the Lost Back into Community

My husband and I walked down the aisle way of the plane to a full flight. We were concerned that we wouldn’t be able to find two seats together. We were about to split up when we noticed two seats in the very last row. Occupying the window seat of that row, sat a young woman, head turned, staring out the window. I tried to make eye contact to see if she minded us sitting next to her. She didn’t budge.

Growing up in a small town, and in a different generation, this feels odd to me. Though her behavior is not unique today. Her lack of connection is common to a generation that texts instead of calling, meets future dates online instead of in-person, and often works from home.

This incident reminded me of an article that I’d just read that looked at the problem of declining church attendance. While there are many theories on the cause, this article had a unique take on the problem. The author felt that this generation had given up on connection and was seeking self-sufficiency.

I am a member of a community that seeks reconnection. Dependance on something outside of ourselves is the key to recovery. Disconnection in relationships to God, self, and others is what brought us here. It was only out of desperation that I joined a 12-step group for families affected by addiction. Like the young woman in the seat next to me, I would have continued staring out of that proverbial window if I didn’t realize that my very life depended upon change.

I didn’t show up to that first meeting with a willing spirit. I thought the members of my group were a mess. Denial kept me from seeing how well I fit in with this band of misfits. Within that first hour, something started happening.

Call it the magic of the program or the Holy Spirit, I started seeing the people in my group beyond their circumstances. These women welcomed me in all of my snobbery. They were kind and understanding. They understood how fear and trauma present themselves and so they were patient.

Each time we met together under one roof, often sitting in a circle, our vulnerability to the differences in the group began to vanish. Our shared common cause moved front and center. You are powerless, we are told. You aren’t God. There is one and He’s just dying to help you, but you will need to ask for help. This is the first and most important step.

From time to time, fear would grip me. I was afraid to stop trying to control my loved ones. Truth be told, I didn’t trust God with them. These women knew what I was doing. I stayed away from the meetings for a while. Then someone would call. “I’ve been thinking about you. I’ve been praying for you.” There was no pressure. The call was just a reminder that I had a community, and the door was always open. I was always welcomed back, no questions asked.

It was their ability to see me in my broken humanity and welcome me again and again, no matter what, that taught me what true community really is. To wait in love until I was ready and then be there for me despite the number of times it took saved me. Their acceptance was the embodiment of God’s love for me, in real time, present and before me.

In recovery circles we have a special appreciation for penguin communities. I think it is a way that we see God in all things. Penguin communities form circles when it is very cold. They put their most vulnerable into the center of the circle and huddle around them to shield them from the cold. This helps them generate heat and heal. Once they have healed, they join the other members of the circle and give their space to someone else in need.

Community is important to have in good times, in everyday times but I like to think that community is where we go when we are the least, the last or the lost. When we are tired and sick, there is someone there to help us return to a place of healing until we are strong enough to help others.

Going Deeper Together:

• Ignatian Ministries is all about creating community. Find your place with Ignatian Ministries.
• Read more about the importance that Ignatius placed on community.
• Need a recovery community? Visit al-anon or AA websites for more information or do you want to support priests and religious in recovery, click here.
• Read Becky Eldredge’s Meditation: Bring Me Home to the Lost Sheep

Photo by Vonecia Carswell in Unsplash

Jean Heaton

Jean Heaton is a blogger, writer, speaker, teacher, and a workshop and retreat leader. Both her husband and son are in long-term recovery, and she has worked her own Twelve Step program for those affected by the addictions of others. Jean is the author of “Helping Families Recover from Addiction.” She shares her experience, strength, and hope with others at www.jeanheaton.com.