Advent: Standing in the Promises - "Am I Not Your Mother?"

I remember my mother praying the rosary during Mass when I was a child. It was her private time. The mother of 8 children, she had very little of that. Hers was a deep and affectionate relationship with Mary until she died. Although I was named for her, I had no personal relationship with Mary. All the rosaries I was forced to say in countless claustrophobic processions gave me post traumatic rosary disorder. Through the years, Mary was buried along with my rejection of those beads…

It is a funny thing about time. As I sit here remembering 70 years ago it feels like now. So does the day 20 years ago when I entered the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe. My high school students from Mexico were clearly fond of her as were their parents. I knew the story and wanted to “see” it, to have a connection to these endearing families. The image on the Tilma is framed and hung on the back wall behind the altar. The circular church filled with pilgrims. I found a seat close to the back and decided to stay for Mass which was completely in Spanish and which I couldn’t understand. I had not been to Mass in a long time…along the years, my love of the Mass was buried together with my pain of long years of desolation.

In this foreign place, my senses were all I could rely on. I found myself unbound by what was happening around me. Though far from Mary’s image, I felt myself drawing close or was she coming close to me? I was very confused. “Am I not your mother?” were her words to St. Juan Diego when she appeared to him, and I heard them as I resisted her gentleness in that moment. My head took over. This was a cultural trip. I was so angry at the Church, trying so hard to reject it. There were exits everywhere, but where could I go? “Am I not your mother?” My mother had died the year before, and I began to weep quietly. I was telling Mary everything that had happened to me and why I was so angry. She was there quietly allowing me to unburden my pain.

I would like to say that my conversion happened then. It began then, but took 10 years more, each year marked by a few hours with Our Lady in Mexico. She was my bridge from my pain to her Son. It was a long bridge, and she was there. “Am I not your mother?”

Today is the feast of the Immaculate Conception, the day we celebrate Mary being conceived without sin. We honor the great gift given to Our Lady by God. Like this beautiful season of Advent, Mary’s young life was preparation for her to return that gift to God and the world. Full of grace, she said yes to the impossible invitation she was offered. She stepped out of her head and logic, and all she knew because her heart and soul stood under the Love she lived. Isaiah spoke of her almost a century before, “The Lord himself will give you a sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God is with us.’) “. Isaiah 7:14

On Thursday, December 12th, the Church celebrates the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. She embodies the impossible. “Am I not your mother?” I will celebrate her feast day in gratitude for my life transformed by her words and intercession by her Son long foretold. Mary reached through a culture that was not mine and touched my heart in its darkness. She brought me to a Light which rests there always.

This is the outside sculpture at La Basilica showing Our Lady drawing everyone to her. She is the Patroness of the Americas and invites us to say yes to the invitations and surprises offered to us. Finding this place on my last (12th) visit was her surprise gift to me.

I took this picture, and it is my Advent gift to you. While it’s not a ticket to Mexico, will you place yourself before Our Lady, as you are in this moment. Hear her say to you, “Am I not your mother?” What is your heart saying to her in return? In this sacred space, what whispers do you hear her say to you in return? That is her gift for you. Bendiciones.

Going Deeper:

• Read about Our Lady of Guadalupe.
• Living and Leading in the Deep-Mary and Elizabeth by Becky Eldredge
• An Advent Reflection on Luke 1:39-45 by Gretchen Crowder

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Photo Credit: The mosaic image of Our Lady of Guadalupe at the top was created by the Vatican Mosaic Studio for the Church of the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe, La Crosse Wisconsin.

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Mary Ann Gessner

JMary Ann Gessner has worked with all generations as an art teacher, in Nursing Homes as Recreation Director, Social Services and Admissions Director and Administrator. She was the Director of Admission with a focus on international student recruitment for St. Johnsbury Academy in Vermont and holds a BA in Studio Art and Art Education from the University of Bridgeport, CT and a M.S.A. from St. Michael’s College in VT. Since retiring in 2015, Mary Ann has enjoyed the gift of time to nest, quilt, and cook. This gift of time led to Ignatian Spirituality in the Inner Chapel and Becky’s Overwhelmed No More retreat and the 19th Annotation of the Spiritual Exercises. Mary Ann is an Ignatian trained spiritual director in private practice, an Interfaith Chaplain and is applying her love of storytelling as a writer. Her two sons have moved gracefully into their adult lives with their families. Mary Ann and her husband still live in the log home they built almost 50 years ago in the woods of Sheffield, Vermont.